S2E27 – Power and Control: Handling Resistance to Reflecting Feelings and Limit-Setting

Oct 17, 2024

In this episode of the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast, I respond to an email from Nicola, a parent struggling with her six-year-old son who resists reflective feelings and limit-setting techniques, often becoming aggressive. Nicola also has a younger son who responds well to these strategies, adding to her frustration. I explain why this behavior is a typical power and control struggle, and how her son’s resistance is rooted in his discomfort with change. I offer practical advice on how to approach these situations with patience and consistency, emphasizing that new parenting strategies often trigger discomfort, but that tenacity and clear limits can help the child adjust over time.

I also discuss the importance of setting consequences at neutral times, reflecting feelings even when the child resists, and recognizing when a child is emotionally “drowning.” With persistence and the right approach, children will eventually learn self-control and self-regulation. Lastly, I normalize the experience of having two children with opposite temperaments, especially when they are close in age.

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References:
Cochran, N., Nordling, W., & Cochran, J. (2010). Child-Centered Play Therapy (1st ed.). Wiley.
VanFleet, R., Sywulak, A. E., & Sniscak, C. C. (2010). Child-centered play therapy. Guilford Press.
Landreth, G. L. (2002). Play therapy: The art of the relationship (2nd ed.). Brunner-Routledge.
Bratton, S. C., Landreth, G. L., Kellam, T., & Blackard, S. R. (2006). Child parent relationship therapy (CPRT) treatment manual: A 10-session filial therapy model for training parents. Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group.
Benedict, Helen. Themes in Play Therapy. Used with permission to Heartland Play Therapy Institute.

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